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Niña...Niña, ¿pero por qué? Judge Approves Recreational Cocaine Use In Mexico

By Joseph Leveston

Greetings and salutations, family.  I bring you endless felicitations and all of that other jazz.  I won't be before you long but I just have to come to you guys really quick with something I just read.  I know that here in these fifty nifty United States that recreational marijuana usage has been a hot button issue for some years and that to date, thirty three states plus the District of Columbia have legalized marijuana in some form and that's amazing.  It lets me know that God is still in the blessing business.  I also know that the United States as well as other countries are big on trying to be the first to do things because who doesn't want bragging rights, right? HOWEVER, our good sis Mexico did something so...so...just downright unexplainable in the push toward drug legalization that I'm almost afraid about the aftermath of it.  A judge told a whole two people that they could "possess, transport, and use" cocaine but not sell it.

I'll say that again.  The person in the black robe with probably a really zesty outfit underneath banging the gavel and having playful banter with the bailiff flat out told two people that they could snort and transport all of the cocaine that their heart desires and it's totally fine but the moment they get caught selling it, it's going to be an issue.  Sis, what?!  Do you know where your mindset has to be as a judge to legally allow someone to do coke? That judge had to have been thinking "Now how can I shut the game down real quick and secure my legacy?" meanwhile the other judges that heard about it had to have been thinking "Oh Lord, Rodolfo's drunk again".  I said that it had to have been that judge's last week in office and they were just letting whatever fly because no other higher power on this whole wide Earth would even think to allow that.  

 The reason that this concerns me so is because I know that once the U.S. really gets a hold of this and it starts getting national attention, that's when people are going to want to have the conversation about legalizing cocaine as well every other drug.  I can literally see protests in the street fighting for the right to do coke with fun signs and chants like "Stop being a joke and let me do coke" or "I'd like to buy the world some coke and keep it company" (some of you may be too young to catch that reference) or even "My name is Beth and I have the right to do Meth". Can you imagine how much crazier things would be over here if cocaine were legalized?? This country is already the greatest reality show never written but you throw in that last minute character add-on cocaine during the reunion episode and you've got yourself a recipe for not only societal disaster but also amazing tv. I mean, I'd watch it.  Honestly, I think cocaine is what spawned the T-virus in every Resident Evil movie.  Yup, I'm saying it: the T-virus was mostly cocaine because only coke can make people behave like that to where they just want to eat other people and go all Hannibal Lecter but way less classy.

People would literally lose their minds because you can't just do a little coke, you've gotta do a good amount to get yourself to Narnia or else why are you even doing it, right?  All of a sudden, theft increases because if you think for one minute that your coke addict of a cousin won't steal and sell/pawn the most random things out of your house (i.e. door knobs, random canned goods, all of the left shoes) in order to get that booger sugar, you're sadly mistaken.  In addition to that, violence increases.  I've never done cocaine but I've literally witnessed two people on it having the most vigorous fight ever.  I'm almost positive that cocaine activates a temporary X-gene that makes the user invulnerable to pain because it looked like the combatants were re-enacting an epic Mortal Kombat fight.  Imagine Diontraenique getting all hot-headed because she thinks ShaBritney (I promise I didn't make up that name) stole her stash of powder and now instead of enjoying Hot Girl Summer, they're fighting in the street with no flip-flops on meanwhile LaHarry is standing off to the side cackling because HE'S actually the one that took the cookies out of Dion's cookie jar but then LaRonte starts fighting him because he didn't share and now it's a whole situation.

 Is that what you want? That's not what you want?? Well, that's what going to happen if we don't get a handle on this, people.  I know that certain drugs have served themselves in the past and even now as a tool that has inspired greatness in certain realms such as the arts and has given us our greatest fast food item ever: the Cheesy Gordita Crunch (come on now, you've got to be high out of your mind to come up with something like that) but that doesn't mean that we should just let people do it legally.  I said all of that to say that the judge in Mexico that ruled legal usage for those two people should've really thought that one through before they just banged their gavel and made it a thing because I'll be damned if I come home one day 10 years in the future and find that all of my forks are missing because one of my friends stole them in order to hit the cocaine vending machine, that's all I'm saying.  Peace out and stay hydrated...